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Loving yourself
Saturday, 20 October 2012 @ 08:00 | 0 Comment [s]
I used to be the girl who never fits in anywhere. In school, college or workplace. I am always that girl who is a little bit too loud, too perky, too optimistic, too annoying, too noisy and so much more. I never get invited to the functions that they do. Any sport events or a day out. For many years, I blamed myself for that. I keep telling myself, its my fault for not trying to be normal. Its my fault that I have a personality that no one understands. Its my fault that I don't have the same interests and hobbies as other people around me. Its my fault that I couldn't fit into their conversations from time to time. Because of all this, I became a really clingy and immature person. I constantly have to text and call a person who is close to me like my boyfriend and my best friends just to make sure that everything is still okay between us. Even a day without contacting or one text doesn't get replied, I get agitated easily and starts thinking about the worst possible situation that could happen between us. To make matters worse, I would actually cry and tell myself to give up. And that is only after ONE DAY of not contacting. But hey, everyone has their insecurities. So anyways, getting back to the point. I realized that I was like that because I have trouble accepting myself. When people tell me that I am weird or hard to understand, I quickly jump to the conclusion that I have to change so that people can accept me. I tried so hard to fit into a group where people are judgmental and backstabbing is a normal behavior. However, I didn't care because all I wanted was to be accepted. The month of October may be smooth sailing for most, but it has been a hell of a month for me and its not even over yet. The month of October has taught me to love myself. With all the fights I had with the people closest to me this month, I realized that at times, everyone needs some time apart. And yeah, not everyone can accept you but its your job to find those who can. Its never okay to feel like you need to fit into a certain type of society. You have to find the society that accepts you. I have been unhappy in a long time. I was never okay with going out or staying at home alone. But now, I do whatever I want, whenever I want and I can actually feel happy even when I am all by myself. I never understood how people can be so filled with happiness alone but now that I felt it, its the best kind of happiness there is. When you know that you love yourself as much as you love other people. Where you hear people talking bad about you but it doesn't matter because you are smart enough to know that its not the truth and strong enough to face the people who actually believes in the rumors and starts pushing you away. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over again until you know what its really like to love someone. Tell people how you feel. Sleep under the stars. Be brave enough to imagine and go for your dreams. Inspire people. Share something with the world. Meet new people. Make someone's day. Live your life to its full potential. Just live until one day, when you look back when you are 70 or 90 years old and you have nothing in life that you regret. To those who are insecure out there, stop being unhappy with yourself. Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people will like you as much as they like someone else.Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, face, personality and your quirks. If anyone hates you for being happy with yourself, just stick your middle finger in the air and say, screw it. Your happiness doesn't depend on others and to tell you the truth, everyone walks away at some point. In the end, you just have yourself to hold on to. |
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